A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'

I took my class on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals and interacted with one Police Officer. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Naporo asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took this picture?"

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking and even much louder now, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard... let's see how THEY like it!"

Omo, police don upgrade oOh, dis na d call center number 191. There was a robbery in my neighbour’s house and I called them… next thing I heard was. Welcome to Ghana Police Emergency Center... for English, press 1; for Ashanti, press 2; for Moshie, press 3; for Dagbani, hang up. Then I pressed 1… then another voice came up….For car accident, press 1; for armed robbery, press 2, for Azoka boys, please hang up…. Den I pressed 2, anoda voice came up…. If they’re with knives, press 1; pistols, press 2, AK 47, press 3; machine guns, press 4; bomb press 5, all of the above, press 6… Then i checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6… anoda voice came up saying…. Hmmmm…! My brother, if ur brother dey police u go gree make im come?

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well... ?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, SLIM, TALL, 38D BREASTS, 24" WAIST and, 36" HIPS. When she walks into a room, people say, "Jesus Christ !"

Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn said. Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn answered. This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?" Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart." The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"

Granddaughter is sitting on Grandpa's lap as he reads the paper not paying any attention to her. So she starts studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve and rubs her fingers over the wrinkles and then over her own face and looks more puzzled. She finally asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" 'He sure did honey, a long long time ago", he replied. "Well, did God make me?` she asked. "Yes He did, and that wasn't too long ago," he answered. She thought for a minute and then said, "Wow! He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"

Bob came home drunk one night slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Bob." Bob was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! Please!" St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken." Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?" "Not bad," replied Bob the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!" "You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?" "Never," said Bob. "Well, just r...

BONAZA!!! BONOZA!!! BONAZA!!! X'mas and new year promo is here: Simbaako chicken. Buy 1 and get 1 free: * London used chicken - ¢120 * USA used white chicken - ¢122 * Stolen fowl - ¢85 * Blind chicken - ¢80 * Deaf and dumb chicken - ¢61 * Crippled hen - ¢38 * Black fowl - ¢25 Q: Are the chicken wrestling? A: ........................................... Anyway, come one, come all!

“There is this notion of me being a womanizer which is certainly not true. I have had children outside my marriage. But I'm at peace with my wife. She understands the circumstances in which it happened, and I have been a responsible father to my children,” ~ H. E. John Dramani Mahama, President, Republic of Ghana

T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker's surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of Java danced in their dreams. My wife on the sofa and me with a snack, We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac). When out in the Web there arose such a clatter, I jumped to the site to see what was the matter. To a new page my Mac flew like a flash, Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!! I gasped at the thought and started to grouse, Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse. When what to my wondering eyes should appear? My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear. When the image resolved, so bright and so quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick! More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came, Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called th...

 A Pri mary three teacher was having trouble with one of her students little johnny .The teacher asked, "johnny, what is your problem?" johnny answered, "I'm too smart for Primary three. My sister is in Primary six and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary six too!" The Teacher had enough. She took Johnny to the Headmaster's office...  While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the Headmaster what the situation was. The Headmaster told the teacher he would give Johnny a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to Primary three and behave. She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Headmaster: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny: "9". Headmaster: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36".  And so it went with every question the Headmaster thought a Primary three pupil should know. The Headmaster looke...

Johnny asked to sit nxt to a gal in the library: Johnny: May i sit next to you. The gal wit a loud shout, replied: NO I DO NOT WANNA SLEEP WITH YOU. The whole library stared at Johnny and he was embrassed. A few minutes later, the gal goes to Johnny and says: I study physiology, I know how you re feeling. Johnny then with a loud shout, said, GhC 1000, THAT IS TOO MUCH FOR ONE NIGHT. He the turned to the Gal and whispered in her ear: I studied law,and I no how to make you look guilty...

A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner … DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one? SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno. DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno (robot slaps dad) MUM : Hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)

Virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the...

General Zimboo has been monitorin the movement of his only daughter recently. In fact, he first picks her calls to confirm the identity of the caller before handing over the phone to her after thorough screening. But on one faithful day, her boyfriend called and General picked the call as usual. Watch out! General: Hello! May I  know you? Caller: Sorry I want to speak with Salma, sir. General: I said who are you and what for? Caller: Hmmm (after he understood the situation At hand), Okay Sir, I am Kafui Dede from WHO WANTS TO BE RICH. Salma's friends is presently on hot seat and needs her help to answer a question for Two Million Gh. Cedis. So the next voice you hear after is hers, the time starts now........ General: Oooh am very sorry!!! Salma! Salma!! Salma!!! Pls take your phone. Your friend needs your help............ Caller: The question is when are you coming, tomorrow? A. Morning, B. Afternoon, C. Evening, D. Night. Salma: D. Night. Caller: Are you sure? Fi...

It was a chemistry class and the teacher asked the students to name the types of gases they knew. Gaskia:- oxygen gas Maltiti:- nitrogen gas Sanusi:- hydrogen gas Dawuni:- tear gas ma Teacher:- Dawuni, you have just one more chance to answer the question correctly,else you will be punished. Dawuni thinks hard and said, "FabreGAS"

Peter Said: "I want my money now!" Then Tom Replied: I will kill myself so that I won't pay you. He pulled a gun and shot himself dead. Peter reacted by laughing aloud:"hahaha..... If u think you will get away with my money you are wrong, i will follow you until you pay me. He takes the gun and shot himself dead as well. Jamas was watching from a distance. He laughed and said, "these guys are funny, I want to watch this till the end". He also took the gun and killed him self! SO IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. Ha ha ha! are you kidding me? Dont Even Think About It.

A lady put an ad in a newspaper: “I am looking for a man who won’t beat me or leave me, and who will satisfy me in bed.” Two  weeks later she heard a loud knock on her door. When she opened, she saw a guy with no arms and legs. Lady: How can I help you? Guy: I am answering your request for a man. Lady: You have no arms. Guy: I won’t beat you. Lady: You have no legs. Guy: I won’t leave you. Lady: How will you satisfy me in bed? Guy: What do you think I used in knocking your door with?

You are customer of bank called TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as a loss, whatever remainder you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you with the same deposit of 86,400 seconds. Each night it burns the remains of the day. If you fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against the tomorrow. You must live in the present on today’s deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success. You’re making withdrawals right this second; make them count. Read

A farmer gets sent to jail, and his wife is trying to hold the farm together so she writes a letter to him in jail: "Dear, I want to plant the potatoes When is the best time to do it?" The farmer writes back: "don't go near that field. That's where all my guns are buried." But, because he is in jail all of the farmer's mail are censored. So police run out to the farm and dig up the entire potato field looking for guns. After two full days of digging,they did't find one single weapon. The farmer then writes to his wife: "Honey, now is when you should plant the potatoes."

A whole chapter of the book is devoted to how young courageous Dramani stood in front of a bully and said enough was enough and lived to tell the tale, “I did not die, I did not die”, John Mahama recounts, stressing. It was at Achimota and the boy’s name was Ezra. Ezra, the tormentor, was two years older, very muscular and the tallest of 10 boys in the dormitory. With his usual elitist tone, John says, Ezra looked like “one of the men we sometimes saw on the campus grounds clearing the underbush with long, slightly curved cutlass. Their skin, which was blacker even than a starless sky at midnight, would be glistening with sweat.” He adds with undisguised disdain, “I wasn’t at all surprised to learn that his father was a farmer, though I would have guessed that it was an animal farm and not a cocoa farmer, because Ezra looked as though he had been born, raised, and fed in much the same way as livestock.” John Mahama continues on Ezra, a...

Two men at a bus stop started a conversation. One of them keeps complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man says, "You think you have family problems?" Listen to my situation.. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my dad married my step daughter. That made my step daughter my step-mom and my dad became my step son-in-law. Also my wife became mom-in-law to her dad-in-law. Then my wife's daughter, my step-mom, had a son. This boy was my half-brother 'cause he was my dad's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now, the half- sister of my son, my stepmom, is also the grandmom. My dad is the bro-in-law of my child, who is the stepbrother of my dad's wife! AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE FAMILY PROBLEMS?"

A man goes to his friend’s house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. “Hi, is Tony home?” “No, he has gone to the store,” she replies. “Well, do you mind if I wait?” “No, come in.” They sit in the hall and the friend says, “Nora, you know you have the greatest breasts I’ve ever seen. I’d give you $100 if I could just see one.” Nora thinks about it for a second and obliges. She opens her robe and shows him one of her breasts. An elated Chris promptly thanks her and gives her a $100. They sit there for a while longer and Chris says, “They are so beautiful I’ve got to see both of them. I’ll give you another $100 if I could just see both of them.” Nora thinks about the offer and obliges once again. She opens her robe and Chris savours the dish on display. An elated Chris thanks her, gives her another $100, and leaves. A while later, Tony arrives home and his wife says, “You know, your weird friend Chris came over.” Tony thinks about it for a second ...

Once upon a time there were two young boys playing by a stream. One of the boys saw a bush and ran into it and the other boy who couldn’t figure out why his friend had done that followed up immediately. The other boy upon reaching the bush realised that his friend was looking at something so he also looked on out of curiosity. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked at the other side of the same stream. All of a sudden the second boy took off running away from the scene. The first boy couldn’t understand why he ran away so he ran after his friend. Finally, he caught up with him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, “My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran.

By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Mr. Naporo's fiancee said to him, now that we are engaged, we should start calling each other pet names. He asked her, so what do you want to be calling me? She said, "I will be calling you TIGER". Why? He asked. She replied, "Coz you're handsome, tall charming, strong, calculating, smart and very good in BEDmatics". She then asked him, "what will you be calling me?" Mr. Naporo said, "ZEBRA". The lady still smilling seductive, "wow, that's lovely and sweet, why did you choose a lovely name?" She asked. He replied, "bcoz of your stretch marks". Ha. Lol!!!

The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

“One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?” The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, “No.” The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.” The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, “Yes.” The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?” “Oh Lord,...

Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

"Mr. Chairman, Mr. President and the Vice President, Nananom, members of the Council of State, members of the Diplomatic Corps, members of the security agencies, delegates, party members and supporters, distinguished guests, ladies and gentlemen": "I would like you to join me in congratulating our new President for responding to an urgent request I made to him to use his authority to help provide street lights to a few villages where a spate of killings - which have increased drastically over the past year - have been taking place with well anticipated impunity. "I had tried over the past year or more to draw the attention of some personalities and state institutions to the brutal killings, especially of women. I almost got the impression that some authorities did not want the re-emergence of these killings to be made public for reasons best known to themselves. Some of the opposition media however exposed it". "While I am grateful to the President f...

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

An Illinois man who left the snow- filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Ghana. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly woman whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. YOUR LOVING HUSBAND P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE

Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

This morning Hon Naporo drove into a petrol station in his sleek, state of the art range rover sports: Naporo: guy, abeg give me full tank (in Dagbani language) Attendant: I only speak english, sir. Naporo: Ok brother, good morning. I currently feel a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my motorised automobile. Therefore I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient quantity of the combustible fluid of the highest octane rating to fill the appropriate receptacle of the said means of perambulation to the brim. Attendant: bros na play I dey play o, my name na Dawuni, you fit talk am for Dagbani!

What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Every year many leaders come to us with the same advice to tighten our belts because there are tough times ahead. It sickens and insults most Ghanaians because we have memories of nothing but hard times during the reigns of these vultures. They are getting richer, accumulating more and burgeoning out of their belly with unnecessary fat while they tell us our reward is in heaven. Sometimes they think they are talking to their children about dry spell ahead after filling their bags with money the past year. Here we are, wishing that this year will be better than the past one and then come these politicians interrupting our prayers, warning us of more of the year before. It is a case of a full belly telling the hungry man to take heed. Hmmm, ibe so my Dagomba man say, na poor I poor no be craze I craze o. You know, many Ghanaians have resigned their faith into the hands of the lords and that is why religion is a good business to get into these days. The religious leaders seeking...

If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usual y an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

AlatiphA: Death- from the womb to the tomb! : You know, when ever people use the word death, they use it like a whisper. They'll say, he or she died. We use it for somebody else and even...

If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another– intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power. The 48 laws of power! By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

All great leaders since Moses have known that a feared enemy must be crushed completely. (Sometimes they have learned this the hard way.) If one ember is left alight, no matter how dimly it smolders, a fire will eventually break out. More is lost through stopping halfway than through total annihilation: The enemy will recover, and will seek revenge. Crush him, not only in body but in spirit. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack. You hold the cards. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. I the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.

Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them. By Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power. by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers

“This is the dawn of a new era of change for a better Ghana. It is not change for change sake. It is a change in a new direction to enable us move forward with unity of purpose. Ours will be consensus driven agenda, and in building that consensus we will recognize the contribution of our compatriots in other political parties”.

“There is only one Ghana, and that Ghana must work in the interest of every Ghanaian”.

“Ghanaians have charged this Government to judiciously utilize Ghana’s precious human and material resources (including the recently discovered oil and gas resources) to develop a diversified economy based on increasing agricultural productivity, investments in productive infrastructure, education and skills development to improve the competitiveness of Ghana in the global economy”.

“Our politics will not focus on power and privilege. On the contrary we will not forget the concerns of the Ghanaian people who want to see an improvement in their living conditions. Willingness to put personal advantage aside will therefore be one of the key demands on those who will serve in the Atta Mills government. Honesty, fairness, compassion and sincerity will be the hallmark of my administration. I have no wish to carry out political vendetta of any kind”.

“Stay where you are. Look at my face and listen to my voice. Do I look and sound like a cat hunter?”

“As a people, our greatest achievements have come when we have lived up to the ideals that unite rather than divide us and have attached ourselves to a common sense purpose. Let this day not just see us enjoying just the holiday part of it; let us find time to reflect on the way forward as we strive to build a Better Ghana. We must reflect on the legacies that our forebears bequeathed to us; consider what we have added to that legacy, and commit ourselves to leaving a solid legacy for the generations after us.”

“I will not condone actions that will pitch one citizen against the other as a way of settling political scores. That is unacceptable and will not be the Ghanaian way of doing things. The Ghanaian way should be that, under the Rule of Law, and with the benchmark of due process, any violations of the laws of Ghana will be addressed in the manner that is fair, balanced, and right in the sight of God.”

“Let me state here and now that I remain undaunted by attempts to thwart the fight against corruption by legal and technical means… I do not care whose ox is gored when it comes to the fight against corruption. And neither will I be off-tracked by all the sideline comments that are being made to befuddle the hardcore issues.”

'I don't want to be seen to interfere with the afairs of football but I think the blackstars should be thought how to take panalties....'

“Our fallen heroes and Founding Fathers toiled to give us this dear nation and we dare not destroy what they have toiled to build. Standing here every 6th March as President since 2009, and watching our youth partake actively in this celebration, there is no doubt in my mind that they are filled with dreams; big dreams of taking over from us and becoming responsible adults…We must not destroy their dreams”.

"I've never considered myself to be working for a living; I've enjoyed myself for a living instead." (1979)

“As far as this Administration is concerned, education is the key to giving the youth the skills they need to make the most of their lives. Investing in the right education and addressing youth unemployment are two sides of the same coin”.

“As a nation, we have no other option but to “sustain the peace” we are enjoying in order to broaden the frontiers of our democracy and development. At no point in time should we take the peace we are enjoying for granted. Our fallen heroes and Founding Fathers toiled to give us this dear nation and we dare not destroy what they have toiled to build. Standing here every 6th March as President since 2009, and watching our youth partake actively in this celebration, there is no doubt in my mind that they are filled with dreams; big dreams of taking over from us and becoming responsible adults…We must not destroy their dreams.”

“In all honesty, the phenomenon of “dumsor, dumsor” is not as bad as it used to be at the time we took over the management of the affairs of state and it is our determination to continue to work to make the situation much better than it is currently”.

“Polarized or not; aligned or not; biased or not; the Ghanaian media has a responsibility to work to preserve Ghana’s democracy”.

“My solemn pledge to the youth of Ghana is that Atta Mills and his government will do everything possible to make sure that Ghana remains a haven of peace and unity. The rich talents and rich human qualities given to us by God will enable us overcome the challenges posed by the global economic downturn and our inadequacies in the management of the nation’s economy.”

“...On a lighter note, before I came here, I knew I would be heckled because it is the routine, but I didn’t expect the heckling to be this gargantuan.”

“As a nation, we consider a strong and effective Arms Trade Treaty an indispensable step in preventing the flow of conventional arms to destinations where they are likely to wreak havoc and mayhem by either fuelling conflict and undermining both national and regional peace, security and development or exacerbating tensions that in many instances could likely create the conditions that necessitate the deployment of international peacekeepers in the first place.”

“As we approach the December Presidential and Parliamentary elections, it is my prayer and hope that we shall continue to preserve and maintain the peace, remain united and focused as people with one destiny. We can hardly achieve meaningful development if the citizenry on whose behalf we are managing the country do not support and cooperate with us.”

“I have always said that I will be President for all Ghanaians whether they voted for me or not, and without consideration for which part of the country they come from. It will be my duty as President to heal wounds and unite our dear nation. I intend to pursue relentlessly all avenues for entrenching peace and unity in all parts of the country as I am enjoined by the constitution to do.”

Great leaders are extraordinary but were they born that way? No. I think they started out as ordinary people and made cumulative choices (perspectives to take, lessons to learn paths to take etc) that over time snowballed into the realm of "extraordinariness". The person also may have had opportunities that other leaders did not have. But not everyone can lead and certainly not all leaders can be great leaders. Therefore, it is possible that "great leaders" have some "inherent extraordinariness" in them that just wasn't mature enough in their ordinary days and simply got developed over the course of their "ascent to greatness". If everyone can be a great leader then it is a major indictment for all ordinary and lousy leaders out there. Are they just lazy or did they lack opportunities to develop the greatness in them? Is ordinary the "normal" or is it the "abnormal"? Great Leaders must be EXTRA- ordinary and move awa...

A plane was transporting a bunch of Mad People & they were making too much noise... One of the mad men entered Pilots cabin... MADMAN say: Teach me how to fly a plane.. PILOT say: I will, but under one condition.. MADMAN say: Whats that?.. PILOT say: If only you can get your friends to keep quiet. MADMAN say: OK. .... (5 minutes later the plane is quiet). PILOT say: Wow, hw did u get em to keep quiet? MADMAN say: I opened the door & told them to go and play outside.

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am Asamoah Djan, the best Ghanaian football player, the Blackstar need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Nana Konado said, "I am the wife of the former Ghanaian President, and a potential future president. I am the smartest woman in Ghanaian history, so Ghanaian people don't want me to die." She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane. The third passenger, K. Pratt Jnr , said, "I'm the Editor of the insight newspaper and an adviser to the President of Ghana". I'm the best adviser you can ever see. The country needs my advice. So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped. The fourth passenger, President J. A. Kufuor , said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, "I have lived a full life, and served my country well, I will sacri...

Love a little more than what is necessary, work a little harder than what is required, be a little kinder than what is usual, give a little bit more than what you feel you can afford, stand in prayer a little longer than what you intended and be a little more patient than what you feel you can handle....it is that little extra effort sparked by sincerity in the heart that makes your ordinary self extraordinary.

Mr. Azu and his friend Oko, were arguing about their sons. Mr. Azu argued that his son was more stupid than Oko's son. Oko however disagreed so, they decided to put their sons to test. Mr. Azu called his son and asked that he buys him a box of matches from the market. The boy left without even asking for money. Mr. Azu said, "yousee how stupid he is, he didn't even ask for money". Oko retorted, "is this what you call foolishness?, just wait and see." Oko calls his son and said to him, "Go home and check if I am in the house." Oko's son took to his heels and came back panting: "Papa, you no dey house. Mama say you dey your friend place."

This is a miracle that happened recently in Wuse Zone 3, Abuja, Nigeria . A boy (Samuel) & girl (Anne) loved each other so much and so sincerely. They used to chat on their mobile phones for hours. In order to reduce the expenses both of them got the same network SIM cards. The guy went abroad for a month on an official trip. The girl died in an accident. The girl's last wish was to be buried along with her mobile phone. After a month the guy called the girl's mom and said, "Aunty, I'll be coming tomorrow. I want this to be a surprise, so please don't tell Anne." The lady didn't know what to say. The next day, the guy came and asked about Anne. Everyone told him the truth but he said "Don't joke with me. I spoke with her just yesterday." Nobody believed him. Suddenly the guy's mobile phone rang and displayed "INCOMING CALL, ANNE". He immediately put the phone on loudspeaker. It was clearly ...

John: Your secretary is very sexy...! Tom: Thanks! It's a robot actually, named "Monica". If you squeeze her right breast, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left breast, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions.. ...Next day... John called Tom from hospital & shouted: You bastard! You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" in- between Monica's legs is a pencil sharpener!

To mess for public dey sweet but if dem catch u, no be small embarassment o! Just follow dis guide lines and u are on ur way to being a star in dis profession. 1. When u enter a hall, check d wind direction, if na closed hall with AC, better. Maximum impact. 2. Make sure say u sidon face d wind direction. ... 3. Make sure say u get enough leg space. U go soon knw why. 4. Form ajebo by crossing ur legs every now and then. 5. U don ready to execute, try hold am until time wey d hall dey noisy incase ur mess na d type wey dey sound like AK47. 6. Now carefully cross ur leg, right over left. 7. Elevate d right yansh lobe. 8. Release small (sound check) 9. If no sound, allow make d mess flow steady. 10. Allow time for proper circulation. NOTE: 1. Make sure say no be u be d first person to complain. 2. When ppl begin dey shout say e no go better for d person wey do dis kind thing, simply ask "why person no fit respect d presence of odas na?" 3. No hala pass odas if no...