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Showing posts from January, 2013

They are all kolomental!

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In Aro, they wanted to test to know the next of the insane men to release. The doctor drew a door on the wall and asked the patients to open and pass through it. All the insane men rushed to the door to open but Akpos. He sat down and watched them, the doctor thinks Akpos' brain is back to normal. Doctor goes to him: Doctor: Akpos, why are u sitting down? Akpos: They are all mad! Doctor, the key to that door is in my pocket.
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Akpos wish!

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A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and killed everyone. Upon arrival in heaven, God says "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven. The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says, "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for so ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point Akpos at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple of people make their wish to become beautiful and Akpos at the end laughs even louder. One after another the people wish the same thing and the closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder Akpos laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks, "What is your wish my son?" Akpos says, "Make them all ugly again!
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A blind man and the restaurant manu!

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A blind man walks into a little restaurant and sits Down. The owner, walks up to him and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a fork used by a previous customer. I'll smell it and Order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. Ah,yes, that's what I'll have-- meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen and tells his wife Gladys, the cook, what just happened. The blind man eats and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." I'm sorry! I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a fork." The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
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Off to Accra!

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A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. ‘Just where the heck do you think you’re going!’, said the man. ‘I’m going to Accra ‘, said the wife, ‘I just found out I can get ¢100 a night for what I give you for free! ‘The man said, ‘Wait a minute!’, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. ‘Where the heck are you going?’, said the wife. The man said, ‘I want to see how you’re gonna live on ¢200 a year!’
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The trial!

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A Mampurugu man, a Moshie and a Dagomba man were lost in a forest and were captured by cannibals. The king of the cannibals told the three friends that they could live if they pass a trial. The 1st instruction of the trial was that they were to go deep into the forest and get 10 pieces of the same kind of fruits. The 2nd instruction will be given when they return with the fruits. The three men went their separate ways to gather fruits. The Mampurugu man came back and said to the king, "I brought 10 apples". The King explained the trial to him: "you have to swallow the fruits without any expression on your face or you will be killed". The first apple went in, but on the second one, he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The Moshie man arrived and showed the king 10 berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy... 1,2,3,4 ,5,6,7,8 and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter and was killed. The Mampuru
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Iron phone!

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Naporo was walking in the street and met Mumuni who asked him what had happened to his ears as both were covered with bandages. He said "I was ironing my shirt when my phone rang. Instead of picking up my phone, I picked up the hot iron so I burnt my ear". Mumuni asked, "So what happened to your other ear?" He said, "That same idiot called again!"
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A blonde counsellor!

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A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself. Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?" "Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie."
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Love letter from an accountant!

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Dearest, In the Journal of my heart, I have written a Journal Entry, Debiting my love & crediting my affection. Now partners, I write this Narration. Your beauty is the Capital of our business, and your eyes are Stock in trade, now let us enter into a Transaction, Without providing Depreciation. Your first love I have already indicated On the Ledger Folio column, Anyway, our relations are based on Double Entry System. Our love is Real & Tangible proposals, Which can be realized, Interest on the same, Can be capitalized. Partner, you are like a Contra Entry, You are on my Debit Side & Credit Side, Both at the same time, And so my partner now , let us Rectify, All our errors & total the Trial Balance, Of our affairs & emotions, Without maintaining any Suspense Account. And any difference in the Trial Balance, And In the Balance Sheet of our life. Our children will be Assets & Liabilities, If they are boys, shall we call them Sundry Debtors? If they are girls
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They are all busy!

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One day, the phone rang, and Little Johnny answered. The Caller: May I speak to your parents? Little Johnny: They're busy. The Caller: Oh. Is anybody else there? Little Johnny: The police. The Caller: Can I speak to them? Little Johnny: They're busy. The Caller: Oh. Is anybody else there? Little Johnny: The firemen. The Caller: Can I speak to them? Little Johnny: They're busy. The Caller: So let me get this straight -- your parents, the police, and the firemen are there, but they're all busy? What are they doing? Little Johnny: Looking for me."
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World war III?

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George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that`s them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We`re planning World War III". And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde. The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?" Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass? I told you no one would worry about the 140million Iraqis!"
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Say cheese!

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Three dead bodies of Indian politicians turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body. "He was a BJP leader, 65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the medical examiner. The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man: "He was a minister from ruling Congress party, was 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile." "Nothing unusual here", thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body. "Ah," says the medical examiner. "This is the most unusual one. MP from Bihar, 60, struck by lightning." "Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector. To which the medical officer replies, "He thought he was having his pict
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A bright light!

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In a Nigerian parliament, an MP during his speech told a story..... "There was a father who gave 100 Naira to each of his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely. "First son bought hay for N100 but couldn't fill the room entirely. "Second son bought cotton for N100 but couldn't fill the room entirely. "Third son bought a candle for N1 and lit it up and the room was completely filled with light." The MP added, "Our President is like the third son. From the day he has taken charge of his office, our country is filled with the bright light of prosperity". A voice from the backbench asked: "Where is the remaining N 99?"
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Is Akpos cheating?

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During the exam, Akpos kept looking under the table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him doing that & thought he was copying? When collecting the paper after the exam... Teacher: I'm gonna minus 10 marks. Akpos: Haaaa!! Why ma? Teacher: For copying. Akpos: How do you know that I was copying? Teacher: I saw you looking under the table. Akpos: (laughing) Question 9 said, "STUDY THE TABLE BELOW".
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Crocodile small boy?

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A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?" The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few hits. After awhile the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, "hat's the matter with you?" The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint
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The mightiest animal!

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A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so pissedd off !"
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Waaaaaay tooo drunk!

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A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door, then to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him, "You were really drunk last night weren't you?" "Yeah, why? How do you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the pub."
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AlatiphA 's new year resolution!

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Good afternoon. I'm Abdul-Latif Ahmed, and speaking on behalf of my beloved wife, kid and myself, I would like to extend the warmest of New Year's greetings and felicitations to those who read this. The ones who don't can all f**k off. Right - It's traditional to look to the New Year with optimism. It's the done thing to hope for a peaceful New Year, and wish happiness, health and prosperity upon those whom we hold dear. We don't hold with that bollocks in our house. We've been doing that for years now, and it never works. So this year, we're just going to pray for mercy and hope that our loved ones, and our friends, make it alive long enough to see 2014. We aren't pessimists or anything like that; it's just that no matter how hard you wish for stuff at New Year - it just never seems to work out. People get sick and they sometimes die. People have accidents and sometimes die. There's always some megalomaniacal prick itching to start a f
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Gov’t Intervenes As Court Orders Auctioning Of GHANASCO Cars

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The Northern Regional Director of Education, Mohammed Haroon Cambodia has confirmed government will be paying a staggering GHC400,000 as judgment debt to a private citizen in order to stop the auctioning of vehicles belonging to the Ghana Senior High School in Tamale. Government is offering the bailout following a chronic transport difficulty that has hit the school for the last two years after a court order impounded the only bus for students and a brand new official pickup vehicle. Two Nissan patrol vehicles belonging to the Education directorate were also taken by the court. The vehicles were confiscated to be auctioned to pay up salary arrears of a former headmaster of the school who accused the school and education service of injustices including inappropriate dismissal and concealing his promotion letter. Late Lionel Mahama was dismissed as headmaster of the school in 1997. His salary was blocked for years until a CHRAJ ruled in his favor and ordered his reinstateme
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