Betrayal!

It is bad enough when a
stranger or foe betrays you, but
when it is someone you
believed to be a close and
trusted friend, partner, or
spouse, it is especially hurtful. It
might feel like you were taken
advantage of, deceived,
humiliated, despised, cheated, or
stabbed in the back. Oftentimes
it comes as a surprise. That is
why it is so painful. You would
not expect to be hurt so badly
from someone you thought you
could trust. So you are left in
disbelief and unbelievable pain.

Anyone who has experienced
betrayal in a relationship knows
how difficult it is to recover
from such an experience. The
person you thought you could
trust and count on is no longer
the person you believed them to
be. So you wonder what
happened. Were you just wrong
about them all along or did
something change? Maybe your
relationship changed and so did
their loyalty to you. Maybe
something in either or both of
your lives has changed and they
became insensitive to you. Or,
maybe you both grew apart and
in different directions.

There are many reasons that
cause people to betray one
another. Sometimes they are
very deliberate and intended to
hurt the other person. And
sometimes they are
consequences of choices that
are made with no intention of
doing any harm to anyone.
Looking out for one’s own best
interests can cause some people
to disregard relationships they
once valued. They may feel the
relationship is in the way or not
as important anymore. Feelings
change. And as feelings change
so do one’s actions and choices.
An individual that feels their
needs are not being met in a
relationship might feel that the
relationship is no longer
important or worth investing in.
Therefore, they might seek to
get their needs met elsewhere.
This changes the relationship.
Eventually, it grows apart and
opportunities for betrayal
emerge.

Betrayal is a destructive force
that leaves many ruins in its
path. Betrayal changes
everything. Relationships and all
those affected will never be the
same again. The damage done
can be irreparable. Trust is lost.
Wounds run deep. Anger
persists. Hearts are broken. Self-
protective walls are erected.
Pain is long and lasting. And we
wonder…. Can trust ever be
restored? Do wounds ever heal?
Will anger cease to exist? Can
hearts be repaired? Will the self-
protective walls ever come
down? Does the pain ever go
away?
Not only does betrayal change
relationships, it changes
individuals. Something happens
inside of them. They might find
it difficult to ever trust again.
They might be more guarded
and protective of themselves
for fear of being vulnerable
again. They might learn to be
more discerning and less naïve.
Their expectations of others
may change. They may reflect
on their own role and
responsibility in the relationship
and what went wrong. They
might try to understand,
empathize, and forgive. They
may be motivated to grow from
the experience and learn more
about themselves and others.

The pain of betrayal is very real
and has a significant impact on
the lives of all those who have
experienced it. It is one of those
painful life experiences that
have the power to change
people’s hearts and lives
forever. If you have ever been
betrayed, you cannot change
what has happened to you or
make the pain go away. You
need time to grieve and feel
angry. You need time to be
comforted and encouraged. You
also need time to restore your
faith in yourself and others.
Betrayal hurts and there is no
fast and easy way to heal from
its affects. It takes more than
time. It takes a heart that will
not harden. It takes a
commitment to believe in others
again. Relationships do change
as a result of betrayal; but
ultimately, how it changes you
is what matters most.