Yesterday

Yesterday I slept.

It was a fitful sleep

I tossed and turned

Whimpered and yearned

For the moment I would wake

Because,

Yesterday I dreamed

I dreamed of you

I dreamed of me

We made plans

Wanted a family

Yesterday you died

I am kneeling once again

Upon the freshly packed earth

Staring at the spot that will soon bear your marker

A tear traces its saline trail from the corner of my eye

Down my nose and now, it hangs precariously off the tip

It drops to the ground

And finally it hits me:

YOU’RE down there!

There’s no air!

You can’t breathe!

My fingers scratch at the earth

Frantically

Hot liquid streams down my face as I call to you

My nails break but I feel nothing

I ignore the blood from the pads of my fingers

I must get to you.

My heart is hammering,

Loudly in my ears

And now the soil is moist with my tears

Hands grab onto mine in an attempt to still them

A voice

Insistent in my ear

And yet I do not understand

They’re wrong!

You’re not gone!

You can’t be gone!

The hands move up to my forearms,

Lifting me up

Pulling me away

“No, he’s down there”

My screams mingle with my words

My breath is laboured

Chest bursting with fear;

Fear of a life without you

“He can’t breathe, let him out”

I feel myself being pulled down to the ground

(A life without your touch)

Arms wrap around me as I plead

(A life without your smell)

“You can’t leave him in there…”

(A life without your voice)

“He’s gonna die!”

The hands hold me tighter

And the lack of response

The Absolute silence

The look in my companion’s eyes as I search them pleadingly

My struggles cease

As I finally realize

Yesterday you died

And I died with you.