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Showing posts from March, 2013

Candidates Akpos and Musa!

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Akpos and Musa after an English exam. Akpos: How was your paper? Musa: Men! It was kind of hard. I didn't know the past tense of 'think'. I thought & thought and thought for a long time then finally, I wrote 'thunk'. Akpos: I guess you're right because I wrote thunk after I thought 4 a while too. Musa: Shit! And what about the past tense of 'write'? Akpos: I don’t know what I wrote. I think I wrote 'written'. Musa: That one I didn't even bother. When I saw the next number asking for the past tense of 'go'. I just went out of the Exam Room. Akpos: I went out too, when I reached that number. I couldn't take it anymore. Those idiots gave us an exam beyond our scope.
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Three Pastors and their problems!

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Three pastors met & agreed to sincerely tell each other their problems which must be kept a secret between the three of them. The first pastor said; my problem is money. l do steal even from the church offering. Please pray for me. The second pastor said, mine is women. Whenever l see any woman, my desire will be to go to bed with her, infa ct l have slept with most of the church (female) members. Turning to the third pastor to hear his problem he started crying (it took his friends some effort to calm him). When they asked him to continue, he was still crying, he said, my problem is gossiping, when we leave this place everybody will hear all what the two of you have just told me. Please pray for me! The two pastors fainted.
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Three hungry men!

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There three men living together. An Afro- American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food. They took a walk and on approaching a restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they came up with a plan. The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. “LISTEN MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!” the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let him leave. Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. “HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CLOSELY. BUT I PAID YOU ALREADY!” the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he ...
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Hotel truce!

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An old married couple were traveling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room at a hotel. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out of the hotel four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use. “But we didn’t use them,” the husband said. “Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager. The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one o...
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A nursery kid VRS a trotro driver!

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A nursery one kid sat in a trotro from school. He started reciting the day's lesson disturbing everyone in the trotro by saying, "if my dad is a cock and my mom is a hen, then I'll be a chick. If my dad is a dog and my mom is a bitch, then I'll be a puppy. If my dad is a lion and my mom is a lioness, then I'll be a cub. He went on and on. The driver at this point very pissed with the kids noise shouted, "what if your dad is an armed robber and your mom is ashawo (prostitute)?" The kid answered, "then I'll be a trotro driver".
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At a Moshie woman's burial!

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A Moshie Man invited his friends for his mother's burial. After lowering the body, the family put groundnuts, millet, meat etc, into the grave in line with tradition. A Dagomba man asked why? The Moshie man smiled & said, according to our tradition, the dead go on a long journey & need all the food items they can get". The Dagomba man dropped Gh¢100 inside and said, "when the food finish, buy more". The Manpurugu man dropped Gh¢500 and said, "add this, incase it's not enough". The Moshie man smiled and brought out his cheque book & wrote a cheque of Gh¢2000 dropped it in the coffin & took the GH¢ 600 notes as a change, then said, "Nwanne, withdraw when you reach dia o...It is going to be a dangerous journey we don't know how many robbers are out there and afterall we are in a cashless economy na! Travel well o!"
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I dey crazy!

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Akpos again!!! Akpos got 2 skool late on monday morning and the teacher asked, "Akpos why did u come to school late?" Akpos answered, "one man lost N1,000 note at d bus stop" The teacher said, "ooohh! thats good of you... seems you were helping the man look for his lost money". Akpos answered, "Nooo! I DEY CRAZE??? Na me stand on top of the money"
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Secretary needed!

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A Man came home from work last night and said to his wife, "I have been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and get to employ my own secretary" Wife says "well please find an ugly secretary ,who doesn't have a personal hygiene, smelly armpits and dresses like an old woman, I don't want you choosing someone who you are going to be tempted to have an affair with!" "That's fair enough", the man replied "when do you wanna start?"
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Application for employment!

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Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant. Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy. You can't swerve me this time. Give me the job. Thank you, Yours Truly, AlatiphA
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The idiot!

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Akpors gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" Akpors slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, covering on the closet floor. "You idiot!" Akpors says, "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids.....
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ICT for JHS

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If you are looking for  ICT  notes for  JHS , then you are in a right place. This book has been written in accordance with the current syllabus for the  Basic Education   Certificate Examination (B.E.C.E)  for  Junior High Schools (J.H.S) . The book covers the three year syllabus . This book will provide you ICT notes and step by step tutorials with definitions, explanations, examples and illustrations. This book is created to make the teaching and Learning of ICT lively, handy and encourage students to use their phones, tablets and computers for learning. The book will also help you learn anywhere and at anytime. PREVIEW BELOW
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Regular BECE ICT Pasco

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Gov’t Intervenes As Court Orders Auctioning Of GHANASCO Cars

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The Northern Regional Director of Education, Mohammed Haroon Cambodia has confirmed government will be paying a staggering GHC400,000 as judgment debt to a private citizen in order to stop the auctioning of vehicles belonging to the Ghana Senior High School in Tamale. Government is offering the bailout following a chronic transport difficulty that has hit the school for the last two years after a court order impounded the only bus for students and a brand new official pickup vehicle. Two Nissan patrol vehicles belonging to the Education directorate were also taken by the court. The vehicles were confiscated to be auctioned to pay up salary arrears of a former headmaster of the school who accused the school and education service of injustices including inappropriate dismissal and concealing his promotion letter. Late Lionel Mahama was dismissed as headmaster of the school in 1997. His salary was blocked for years until a CHRAJ ruled in his favor and ordered his reinstateme...
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