A-latiph-A

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Aborted suicide!

By AlatiphA - December 30, 2012

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 'So then?' 'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'

A field trip at the police station!

By AlatiphA - December 29, 2012

I took my class on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals and interacted with one Police Officer. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Naporo asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took this picture?"

The blonde and the dog!

By AlatiphA - December 29, 2012

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking and even much louder now, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard... let's see how THEY like it!"

Ghana police emmergency center, 191!

By AlatiphA - December 28, 2012

Omo, police don upgrade oOh, dis na d call center number 191. There was a robbery in my neighbour’s house and I called them… next thing I heard was. Welcome to Ghana Police Emergency Center... for English, press 1; for Ashanti, press 2; for Moshie, press 3; for Dagbani, hang up. Then I pressed 1… then another voice came up….For car accident, press 1; for armed robbery, press 2, for Azoka boys, please hang up…. Den I pressed 2, anoda voice came up…. If they’re with knives, press 1; pistols, press 2, AK 47, press 3; machine guns, press 4; bomb press 5, all of the above, press 6… Then i checked and saw they were with all of them then I pressed 6… anoda voice came up saying…. Hmmmm…! My brother, if ur brother dey police u go gree make im come?

Coffee gossip!

By AlatiphA - December 28, 2012

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well... ?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, SLIM, TALL, 38D BREASTS, 24" WAIST and, 36" HIPS. When she walks into a room, people say, "Jesus Christ !"

Spell bee!

By AlatiphA - December 28, 2012

Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn said. Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?" "Nothing," Kathryn answered. This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?" Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart." The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"

Grandpa and grandaughter!

By AlatiphA - December 28, 2012

Granddaughter is sitting on Grandpa's lap as he reads the paper not paying any attention to her. So she starts studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve and rubs her fingers over the wrinkles and then over her own face and looks more puzzled. She finally asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?" 'He sure did honey, a long long time ago", he replied. "Well, did God make me?` she asked. "Yes He did, and that wasn't too long ago," he answered. She thought for a minute and then said, "Wow! He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"